That thing where you buy a donut, they put it in a brown paper bag, you put it in your purse to eat later, then you come home and take it out of your purse and put it down on your bed (for some reason?) and then hours later you remember it, and that’s when you notice that it left a grease stain on your sheets?

I got this email from Real Simple and after reviewing their list I found several things that I want for me? Am I doing this wrong?

When your sister offers to let you be in the room when she gives birth and you write back, “no fucking way”.

because I’m a really good aunt.

Drive-thru Cracker Barrel!! WHY DO I HAVE TO THINK OF EVERYTHING MYSELF???

I have really dry skin on my elbows. I’m only telling the whole internet about this because I’m hoping my elbows will be so embarrassed that they’ll start taking better care of themselves.

my roommate’s cat has seen me naked a few times now, but every time she does she puts her head down, which is pretty polite but also kind of insulting.

POTTERMORE UPDATE EMAIL SENT TO MY SPAM FOLDER?? IT’S LIKE GMAIL HAS NO IDEA WHO I AM!!

if slow-dancing alone in front of my mirror while listening to billie holiday is weird, well then i was just doing the exact opposite of that, so why don’t you just SHUT UP ABOUT IT!!!???

It’s a “talk-back-to-your-GPS-because-who-the-hell-is-SHE-to-tell-you-where-to-go?” kind of morning.